"Ow, that hurts my brain...ow..."

So, what has our magnificent city council been up to lately? Useful things? Improving our schools, perhaps? Or maybe the roads, or crime, or other things that it's actually supposed to be doing with their time and our money?

Why the hell would they do that? There are more important things! Things like taking the time to research and tell us that we shouldn't be eating so much red meat because of, you guessed it, our old pal GLOBAL WARMING!

*gasp*

I know! So, why, you are probably asking, would eating more meat fuel global warming? Well, never you fear, because our wise and benevolent city council has taken the time (and your money) for you to answer that themselves. In addition to all the carbon emissions from production and such, apparently there is also a very large amount of methane emissions from THE COWS' FLATULENCE.

That's right. Accoring to the council, we all need to eat less beef to save our planet from farting cows.

"But wait," you may also be asking, "if we eat the cows, will that not stop their flatulence?"

And that's a very good point. After all, steak cannot fart. But apparently, the more we eat, they are afraid of all the other cows being bred to meet demand. This prompted one citizen to suggest that if the city council is afraid of cows breeding more and farting more, maybe the council members should go out and apply condoms to all of the bulls, if they really care.

You can read the report here.

Now, this raises some questions. Some very specific ones, actually, that I shall quote from our friend at 700 WLW, Darryl Parks:

WHY IS THE CINCINNATI CITY COUNCIL WASTING ITS TIME ON SOMETHING IT HAS NO CONTROL OVER?

HOW MANY OF THE SEATED COUNCIL PERSONS HAVE READ THE 212 PAGE REPORT?

HOW MANY COPIES OF THE 212 PAGE REPORT WERE PRINTED AND DISTRIBUTED AND HOW MANY TREES WERE DESTROYED TO MAKE THIS POSSIBLE?

FINALLY, IF A COW FARTS ACROSS THE RIVER IN KENTUCKY AND THE WIND IS BLOWING FROM THE SOUTH, WHAT IS THE CINCINNATI CITY COUNCIL GOING TO DO TO KEEP US SAFE FROM THE GAS?

Good questions. There's also the point that our city council is telling us not to eat so much meat, while simultaneously trying to get more people to go downtown, where we have featured many steak houses and such. So, go downtown where we have all kinds of wonderful beef to eat, but don't eat beef.

And while I'm in a borrowing mood, I will end by quoting a sign put up by an industrious flood victim at his house:

MOTHER NATURE AND AL GORE CAN KISS MY ASS.

Thank you, sir.