For all you techies out there

Some of you may have heard of the blog Stuff Christians Like. If not, go check it out.

I really appreciated one of the recent entries. It's a collection of haikus dedicated to church tech people. It meant a lot. You can read it here: #304. The Sound Guy/Girl - In Haiku Form

Here's a personal favourite of mine:

Can you mic a bird?
I have a worship eagle
You might need some gloves

It's good to know that there is someone out there who understands our pain.

"Ow, that hurts my brain...ow..."

So, what has our magnificent city council been up to lately? Useful things? Improving our schools, perhaps? Or maybe the roads, or crime, or other things that it's actually supposed to be doing with their time and our money?

Why the hell would they do that? There are more important things! Things like taking the time to research and tell us that we shouldn't be eating so much red meat because of, you guessed it, our old pal GLOBAL WARMING!

*gasp*

I know! So, why, you are probably asking, would eating more meat fuel global warming? Well, never you fear, because our wise and benevolent city council has taken the time (and your money) for you to answer that themselves. In addition to all the carbon emissions from production and such, apparently there is also a very large amount of methane emissions from THE COWS' FLATULENCE.

That's right. Accoring to the council, we all need to eat less beef to save our planet from farting cows.

"But wait," you may also be asking, "if we eat the cows, will that not stop their flatulence?"

And that's a very good point. After all, steak cannot fart. But apparently, the more we eat, they are afraid of all the other cows being bred to meet demand. This prompted one citizen to suggest that if the city council is afraid of cows breeding more and farting more, maybe the council members should go out and apply condoms to all of the bulls, if they really care.

You can read the report here.

Now, this raises some questions. Some very specific ones, actually, that I shall quote from our friend at 700 WLW, Darryl Parks:

WHY IS THE CINCINNATI CITY COUNCIL WASTING ITS TIME ON SOMETHING IT HAS NO CONTROL OVER?

HOW MANY OF THE SEATED COUNCIL PERSONS HAVE READ THE 212 PAGE REPORT?

HOW MANY COPIES OF THE 212 PAGE REPORT WERE PRINTED AND DISTRIBUTED AND HOW MANY TREES WERE DESTROYED TO MAKE THIS POSSIBLE?

FINALLY, IF A COW FARTS ACROSS THE RIVER IN KENTUCKY AND THE WIND IS BLOWING FROM THE SOUTH, WHAT IS THE CINCINNATI CITY COUNCIL GOING TO DO TO KEEP US SAFE FROM THE GAS?

Good questions. There's also the point that our city council is telling us not to eat so much meat, while simultaneously trying to get more people to go downtown, where we have featured many steak houses and such. So, go downtown where we have all kinds of wonderful beef to eat, but don't eat beef.

And while I'm in a borrowing mood, I will end by quoting a sign put up by an industrious flood victim at his house:

MOTHER NATURE AND AL GORE CAN KISS MY ASS.

Thank you, sir.

Here's one for Eric's gone by...

It just keeps getting funnier and funnier.

We can do it! We have the technology!

Alright, one more thing (for now) about this oil business. One of the chief complaints that Obama and his ilk have against drilling here and drilling now is that it would still take about 5 years for it to affect gas prices. That may be true, but it begs a few questions:

One, then why didn't we start doing this at least 5 years ago? And in another 5 years, when gas is $10 or more a gallon, we'll wish we had started now. Just think: if Bill Clinton had let us do it back in his Presidency instead of keeping the ban going, it would have affected prices by now, and we'd be much better off.

Two, can you name me another idea that WILL affect prices immediately? Seems to be that the only one that some have does indeed affect prices pretty quickly, but in the wrong way. That idea would be raising windfall profit taxes on oil companies.

WTF?!?!?!?

People, this is really simple, so pay attention: the more you tax the production of something, the less production you will get.

DRILL HERE. DRILL NOW. PAY LESS.

Obama hates your grandmother

Another thing about the government and oil companies. They want to raise taxes on "Big Oil." And a lot of people who don't really think this stuff through think it's a grand idea; a good way to stick it to those oil fat cats.

But do you know who this will really hurt? Do you know where those taxes will come from? No, not the big guys at the top. It will come out of things like pensions and investments that people have in the companies, people like elderly retired folks - like your grandmother, perhaps.

Nevermind how much more it will raise pump prices for EVERYBODY (which still includes your grandmother).

It's like how people like to pirate music and movies to stick it to the big record companies and Hollywood moguls. Do you actually think for a second that the execs are looking at the loss of revenue and saying to themselvs, "Golly, with all of this money we're loosing, I had better take some out of my salary to teach myself a lesson for being so greedy."

.....

No, it usually goes a little more like this: "Ok, what low-level people who live paycheck to paycheck can we lay off by the boatload?"

People need to realize how much we all are connected to that damned "wealthiest 1%."

See, when you give tax breaks to the guys at the top, it is impossible for it to effect them only. Think about it: who gives poor people jobs? Other poor people? No, middle- and upper-class people. And what do those people need in order to hire more people? They need more money.

Can we still give tax breaks to lower-class people? It'd be swell, cos I like tax breaks for everybody. But they don't really pay much (if any) to begin with, so it'd be pretty difficult.

You say the poor people still are paying too much and aren't receiving enough help from the government? Well, send them to the Church. After all, it is our personal responsibility to take care of all those in need, right?

...Right?

Pay attention. There's a quiz at the end.

Sorry I haven't been able to blog about it (cos I'm sure you all care), but I suppose you all heard about the major oil companies being brought before Congress for hearings. And I'm sure some may actually appreciate the government doing something about high gas prices, not enough being invested in alternative energy sources, oil companies making too much money, etc., because "it's all their fault." (Can't believe I typed that with a straight face.)

Now whether or not you place full blame on those big bad oil companies for the mess with oil prices, you have to admit that THIS IS SO RIDICULOUS IT'S SCARY.

Think about this: our government, in our "free and democratic society," our blessed republic, is harassing PRIVATE companies about what they are doing with their "excessive profits," going so far as to accuse them of not using their "excessive profits" well enough by investing more in alternative energy. These are private citizens for crapping out loud! It's their money! Where in the Constitution does it say that Congress has the right to do this?

But I love what one of the oil execs said when questioned about why his company hadn't invested more in non-oil energy. He said, basically, "Um...we're an oil company. Why the hell would we want to do that?"

Seriously. It's like asking McDonald's to invest in Burger King, and then being confused and offended that they don't want to.

But even if our government had the right to question a company's use of their own excessive profits, what makes us think that the oil companies' profits actually are excessive? If you take the time to look at the numbers, you would realize that their profit margins are actually right in line with other industries, if not on the low end.

Here's an interesting statistic. Of the price you pay at the pump, 15% of it is taxes that go to our government. But, only 4% is profit for the oil company. So if 4% is excessive, then 15% is just ridiculous. Maybe the oil companies should hold their own hearings with Congress and ask what they have been doing with all the money we've been giving them, cos we actually have the right to hold our government accountable, because IT'S OUR MONEY.

Nevermind the fact that our government is simultaneously telling the oil companies that they need to produce more, and also that they are not allowed to drill here in the US.

"Oh, but that would be harmful to the environment! Remember how much that nasty ol' Trans-Alaskan Pipeline decimated the precious caribou population?"

...Um, actually, the pipeline isn't harming them at all. In reality, they really like it cos it's nice and warm. They even sleep and mate near it.

And speaking of alternative energy, why not more nuclear? I mean, people are always saying we need to be more progressive like the Europeans. Do we realize that the majority of the energy in countries like France and Sweden is nuclear? Why not us?

Ok, now for that quiz. It's pretty simple. Just one question:

Why the hell is it in style for men to leave the bottom button of their suit jackets unbuttoned? I mean, for my suits anyway, they look much better when all buttons are buttoned. Anybody have an answer for this? It's been confounding me for some time.